You know what's funny? When friends suggest guys that you may be compatible with, however they were already someone you had considered in the past. This has happened a couple of times, and it makes me a little sad. I know that inshallah they'll be someone out there for me, but usually the reason why these guys aren't interested in me, is because I don't fit their ideal of a perfect wife. They don't even bother to give it a chance, or to see how things may go. I mean, I'm not saying we have to date or anything, but at least we could talk and get to know each other better, and at least see if we want the same things. Unfortunately, guys do not seem to care. They figure if they aren't attracted to the girl, then nothing. I mean, there are guys I'm not attracted to, but I give them a chance. I try to talk to them at least so that I can see if we're compatible and not just writing them off. Sadly, guys don't seem to think the same way.
What I also don't like, are guys who don't consider you because you don't wear a hijab! Islam is as important to me as the next girl, but no guy would ever know that unless he gets to know me better...which they don't because they assume if I don't wear a hijab, I don't care! I know some hijabi girls who do not act modest at all...in other words they date, and do a whole bunch of other unIslamic things. I'm not saying I"m perfect, or saying I'm better than anyone, I just mean that it's not fair that no one gives us non-hijabi girls a chance. I have never dated any guys, and yet I know so many hijabis that have. However, guys don't care about that, because they won't give me a chance! It upsets me that guys can be so rude like that! My mother gets mad at me if I don't give a guy a chance, but all the guys in the world can judge me and not give ME a chance because they're MEN! It's completely ridiculous!
Honestly, being brown and dealing with this whole marriage business gives me a headache. I'm just going to wait for my Muslim Prince Charming to make his way to my house and let me know he's the one. I'm tired of searching any more!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Good things come to those who wait...or so they say!
It's always the same thing. After liking someone, finding out they aren't interested and then sharing your sorrows (as well as a gallon of ice cream) with your best friend, they will say, "Don't worry, you'll find someone when you least expect it and they'll be worth the wait!" The first time you hear it, you smile and respond cheerfully, "You're right and I can definitely wait that long!" Unfortunately, after years and years of no one else sharing the same feelings and hearing the same thing over and over again...well you start thinking that maybe they're wrong! To make matters worse, the people who usually give you this advice are those who are in committed relationships (i.e. married). I don't think that their advice really counts because they've been out of the game for so long, they've forgotten what it's like!
You start to believe that MAYBE, just maybe you're one of those people who is never meant to be with anyone; that you're going to end up alone! I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to get married, but whenever I like anyone, they're never interested...so maybe it's a way of Allah telling me that I'm not meant to be with anyone! It's depressing, but maybe I should just accept it and move on.
The best part in all of this, is that the guys that say that they don't like you, usually give you some lame excuse. These excuses usually are: I'm busy with my career, I don't really like you that way, and I'm not ready for marriage. Of course, these same people (with the lame excuses) are usually the ones that get married two months after they've give you these excuses. So essentially what they're telling you, is that they DO want to get married...just not with you! That realization was probably one of the most heartbreaking, because then you then start to wonder if there is anyone out there who DOES want to get married to you.
Then there are the guys that you did like, and then you've gotten over and everything is fine...until they tell you they're marrying someone you know. Now you've already come to the realization that things wouldn't have worked out between the two of you, but when you find out they're getting married, you just lose it. You're sad and think that there is something wrong with you and you really will die alone, with only your cats to comfort you :( Of course none of it is true (at least I'd like to think so) but when you see everyone else getting married and you're just stuck being single for the rest of your life, you start to wonder why.
There are so many times when I'll ask my friends, and they'll say, "Well I don't know why you're single!" I never know how to respond to these people. Part of me is flattered that they think I'm that great, but the other half (the one that always wins) always responds by saying, "Well clearly there's something because I AM single...and always have been!" My friends say it's because I do it to myself. That if I wanted to, I could have anyone. I haven't put this theory into action, so I don't know if it's true. I guess the guys that I did like didn't count because I didn't pursue them properly? I'm not really sure what I have to do, but hopefully someone will point me in the right direction because I'm absolutely clueless! Some people have told me to flirt more, but I feel like I shouldn't because it's unIslamic or something. In any case, I don't know how to flirt, and couldn't even if I wanted to!
Le sigh! I guess I'll just leave this to the experts and go back to reading books and watching movies...they never seem to hurt my feelings!
You start to believe that MAYBE, just maybe you're one of those people who is never meant to be with anyone; that you're going to end up alone! I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to get married, but whenever I like anyone, they're never interested...so maybe it's a way of Allah telling me that I'm not meant to be with anyone! It's depressing, but maybe I should just accept it and move on.
The best part in all of this, is that the guys that say that they don't like you, usually give you some lame excuse. These excuses usually are: I'm busy with my career, I don't really like you that way, and I'm not ready for marriage. Of course, these same people (with the lame excuses) are usually the ones that get married two months after they've give you these excuses. So essentially what they're telling you, is that they DO want to get married...just not with you! That realization was probably one of the most heartbreaking, because then you then start to wonder if there is anyone out there who DOES want to get married to you.
Then there are the guys that you did like, and then you've gotten over and everything is fine...until they tell you they're marrying someone you know. Now you've already come to the realization that things wouldn't have worked out between the two of you, but when you find out they're getting married, you just lose it. You're sad and think that there is something wrong with you and you really will die alone, with only your cats to comfort you :( Of course none of it is true (at least I'd like to think so) but when you see everyone else getting married and you're just stuck being single for the rest of your life, you start to wonder why.
There are so many times when I'll ask my friends, and they'll say, "Well I don't know why you're single!" I never know how to respond to these people. Part of me is flattered that they think I'm that great, but the other half (the one that always wins) always responds by saying, "Well clearly there's something because I AM single...and always have been!" My friends say it's because I do it to myself. That if I wanted to, I could have anyone. I haven't put this theory into action, so I don't know if it's true. I guess the guys that I did like didn't count because I didn't pursue them properly? I'm not really sure what I have to do, but hopefully someone will point me in the right direction because I'm absolutely clueless! Some people have told me to flirt more, but I feel like I shouldn't because it's unIslamic or something. In any case, I don't know how to flirt, and couldn't even if I wanted to!
Le sigh! I guess I'll just leave this to the experts and go back to reading books and watching movies...they never seem to hurt my feelings!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Single...
So it's no secret that I've been single all my life. It's not that I haven't had my fair share of crushes, but for some reason, anyone that I've liked, hasn't liked me back. I try not to give it much thought, but now that I'm getting older, I'm wondering if it's really something I've done wrong. I have talked about this with my best guy friend, and he says that there's nothing to worry; that everything happens when it's meant to happen. Which I guess is true, but to have been single ALL my life...well that's a bit ridiculous, right? Though to be fair, I have never been into the dating scene. I have always wanted to be with ONE guy, and that's it. I guess that's what makes it so difficult to find ONE guy.
The other big reason, is that I've always valued my religion but because I'm not a hijab, guys assume that I don't really care. The guys that DO care about religion, are only looking for hijabi girls! It's so frustrating! I mean, I know that there are days I forget to pray, and there are still TONS of things I want to learn about my religion, but it doesn't mean I don't care! Also, it's assume that all hijabi girls are perfect, and know everything about Islam. It breaks my heart that I constantly have to prove myself to everyone!
On top of all that, I also like learning and dream of getting my PhD somewhere down the road. Which apparently scares people away!
As if THAT weren't enough, I have curly hair, which according to someone, (who shall be referred to as M) guys do not like girls with curly hair! That makes me furious because I LOVE my hair! I like that it makes me different, regardless of what people say. I'm happy with who I am, and what I look like...but apparently I'm the only one! I also have tanned skin, and in Pakistani culture, I'm too "dark" and only fair skin is considered beautiful. This also upsets me because this is who I am, and I refuse to change myself for anyone. M says that I'm being stubborn because I won't change my appearance to get married. I figure, if someone doesn't want to like me for who I am both on the inside and out, then they're not worth my time! Sadly, because of this mentality, no one seems to notice me.
The only thing I can take comfort in now, is that I'm almost finished teachers college. Once I finish, if I don't get a job close to home, then I'll teach abroad. I've always wanted to travel, so this would be the perfect excuse. I guess that's the reason why I'm not finding anyone, because I'm meant to travel abroad and make a difference there. Yes I'm a little sad because to be honest, I've always wanted to find my soul mate...someone to love me. Unfortunately, I may have to wait a very long time for that. Who knows, maybe I'm just one of those people who is never meant to fall in love, let alone get married.
I guess I'm okay with that...
The other big reason, is that I've always valued my religion but because I'm not a hijab, guys assume that I don't really care. The guys that DO care about religion, are only looking for hijabi girls! It's so frustrating! I mean, I know that there are days I forget to pray, and there are still TONS of things I want to learn about my religion, but it doesn't mean I don't care! Also, it's assume that all hijabi girls are perfect, and know everything about Islam. It breaks my heart that I constantly have to prove myself to everyone!
On top of all that, I also like learning and dream of getting my PhD somewhere down the road. Which apparently scares people away!
As if THAT weren't enough, I have curly hair, which according to someone, (who shall be referred to as M) guys do not like girls with curly hair! That makes me furious because I LOVE my hair! I like that it makes me different, regardless of what people say. I'm happy with who I am, and what I look like...but apparently I'm the only one! I also have tanned skin, and in Pakistani culture, I'm too "dark" and only fair skin is considered beautiful. This also upsets me because this is who I am, and I refuse to change myself for anyone. M says that I'm being stubborn because I won't change my appearance to get married. I figure, if someone doesn't want to like me for who I am both on the inside and out, then they're not worth my time! Sadly, because of this mentality, no one seems to notice me.
The only thing I can take comfort in now, is that I'm almost finished teachers college. Once I finish, if I don't get a job close to home, then I'll teach abroad. I've always wanted to travel, so this would be the perfect excuse. I guess that's the reason why I'm not finding anyone, because I'm meant to travel abroad and make a difference there. Yes I'm a little sad because to be honest, I've always wanted to find my soul mate...someone to love me. Unfortunately, I may have to wait a very long time for that. Who knows, maybe I'm just one of those people who is never meant to fall in love, let alone get married.
I guess I'm okay with that...
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