There's always SOME excuse

You know what's funny? When friends suggest guys that you may be compatible with, however they were already someone you had considered in the past. This has happened a couple of times, and it makes me a little sad. I know that inshallah they'll be someone out there for me, but usually the reason why these guys aren't interested in me, is because I don't fit their ideal of a perfect wife. They don't even bother to give it a chance, or to see how things may go. I mean, I'm not saying we have to date or anything, but at least we could talk and get to know each other better, and at least see if we want the same things. Unfortunately, guys do not seem to care. They figure if they aren't attracted to the girl, then nothing. I mean, there are guys I'm not attracted to, but I give them a chance. I try to talk to them at least so that I can see if we're compatible and not just writing them off. Sadly, guys don't seem to think the same way.

What I also don't like, are guys who don't consider you because you don't wear a hijab! Islam is as important to me as the next girl, but no guy would ever know that unless he gets to know me better...which they don't because they assume if I don't wear a hijab, I don't care! I know some hijabi girls who do not act modest at all...in other words they date, and do a whole bunch of other unIslamic things. I'm not saying I"m perfect, or saying I'm better than anyone, I just mean that it's not fair that no one gives us non-hijabi girls a chance. I have never dated any guys, and yet I know so many hijabis that have. However, guys don't care about that, because they won't give me a chance! It upsets me that guys can be so rude like that! My mother gets mad at me if I don't give a guy a chance, but all the guys in the world can judge me and not give ME a chance because they're MEN! It's completely ridiculous!

Honestly, being brown and dealing with this whole marriage business gives me a headache. I'm just going to wait for my Muslim Prince Charming to make his way to my house and let me know he's the one. I'm tired of searching any more!

Good things come to those who wait...or so they say!

It's always the same thing. After liking someone, finding out they aren't interested and then sharing your sorrows (as well as a gallon of ice cream) with your best friend, they will say, "Don't worry, you'll find someone when you least expect it and they'll be worth the wait!" The first time you hear it, you smile and respond cheerfully, "You're right and I can definitely wait that long!" Unfortunately, after years and years of no one else sharing the same feelings and hearing the same thing over and over again...well you start thinking that maybe they're wrong! To make matters worse, the people who usually give you this advice are those who are in committed relationships (i.e. married). I don't think that their advice really counts because they've been out of the game for so long, they've forgotten what it's like!

You start to believe that MAYBE, just maybe you're one of those people who is never meant to be with anyone; that you're going to end up alone! I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to get married, but whenever I like anyone, they're never interested...so maybe it's a way of Allah telling me that I'm not meant to be with anyone! It's depressing, but maybe I should just accept it and move on.

The best part in all of this, is that the guys that say that they don't like you, usually give you some lame excuse. These excuses usually are: I'm busy with my career, I don't really like you that way, and I'm not ready for marriage. Of course, these same people (with the lame excuses) are usually the ones that get married two months after they've give you these excuses. So essentially what they're telling you, is that they DO want to get married...just not with you! That realization was probably one of the most heartbreaking, because then you then start to wonder if there is anyone out there who DOES want to get married to you.

Then there are the guys that you did like, and then you've gotten over and everything is fine...until they tell you they're marrying someone you know. Now you've already come to the realization that things wouldn't have worked out between the two of you, but when you find out they're getting married, you just lose it. You're sad and think that there is something wrong with you and you really will die alone, with only your cats to comfort you :( Of course none of it is true (at least I'd like to think so) but when you see everyone else getting married and you're just stuck being single for the rest of your life, you start to wonder why.

There are so many times when I'll ask my friends, and they'll say, "Well I don't know why you're single!" I never know how to respond to these people. Part of me is flattered that they think I'm that great, but the other half (the one that always wins) always responds by saying, "Well clearly there's something because I AM single...and always have been!" My friends say it's because I do it to myself. That if I wanted to, I could have anyone. I haven't put this theory into action, so I don't know if it's true. I guess the guys that I did like didn't count because I didn't pursue them properly? I'm not really sure what I have to do, but hopefully someone will point me in the right direction because I'm absolutely clueless! Some people have told me to flirt more, but I feel like I shouldn't because it's unIslamic or something. In any case, I don't know how to flirt, and couldn't even if I wanted to!

Le sigh! I guess I'll just leave this to the experts and go back to reading books and watching movies...they never seem to hurt my feelings!

Single...

So it's no secret that I've been single all my life. It's not that I haven't had my fair share of crushes, but for some reason, anyone that I've liked, hasn't liked me back. I try not to give it much thought, but now that I'm getting older, I'm wondering if it's really something I've done wrong. I have talked about this with my best guy friend, and he says that there's nothing to worry; that everything happens when it's meant to happen. Which I guess is true, but to have been single ALL my life...well that's a bit ridiculous, right? Though to be fair, I have never been into the dating scene. I have always wanted to be with ONE guy, and that's it. I guess that's what makes it so difficult to find ONE guy.

The other big reason, is that I've always valued my religion but because I'm not a hijab, guys assume that I don't really care. The guys that DO care about religion, are only looking for hijabi girls! It's so frustrating! I mean, I know that there are days I forget to pray, and there are still TONS of things I want to learn about my religion, but it doesn't mean I don't care! Also, it's assume that all hijabi girls are perfect, and know everything about Islam. It breaks my heart that I constantly have to prove myself to everyone!

On top of all that, I also like learning and dream of getting my PhD somewhere down the road. Which apparently scares people away!

As if THAT weren't enough, I have curly hair, which according to someone, (who shall be referred to as M) guys do not like girls with curly hair! That makes me furious because I LOVE my hair! I like that it makes me different, regardless of what people say. I'm happy with who I am, and what I look like...but apparently I'm the only one! I also have tanned skin, and in Pakistani culture, I'm too "dark" and only fair skin is considered beautiful. This also upsets me because this is who I am, and I refuse to change myself for anyone. M says that I'm being stubborn because I won't change my appearance to get married. I figure, if someone doesn't want to like me for who I am both on the inside and out, then they're not worth my time! Sadly, because of this mentality, no one seems to notice me.

The only thing I can take comfort in now, is that I'm almost finished teachers college. Once I finish, if I don't get a job close to home, then I'll teach abroad. I've always wanted to travel, so this would be the perfect excuse. I guess that's the reason why I'm not finding anyone, because I'm meant to travel abroad and make a difference there. Yes I'm a little sad because to be honest, I've always wanted to find my soul mate...someone to love me. Unfortunately, I may have to wait a very long time for that. Who knows, maybe I'm just one of those people who is never meant to fall in love, let alone get married.

I guess I'm okay with that...

Not enough hours in a day...

It seems like there really isn't enough time these days to do anything! Between school, social engagements and promoting my photography, there doesn't seem to be enough time to just sit back and relax! Though to be fair, my relaxation is usually when I'm at a photography gig, but things have been slow on that front. With all of that going on, there is also the pressure from my parents to find a "nice boy and get married". As the days go by, it seems more and more difficult to meet a "nice boy". Seems that my definition of a "nice boy" varies greatly from my parents. According to them, a "nice boy" is someone who has a good education, steady job and comes from a good family. Of course those things are important, but to me a "nice boy" usually means someone who will be kind to me, encourage me to pursue my dreams (even some of the crazy ones :P) and will be good to me. I guess my parents want that too, but I guess they assume if he's successful, then he'll be good, which is not necessarily true.

The more weddings I go to, the more I think about what I'm looking for in my future husband. I may joke around that I want someone who is six feet tall and looks like an Adonis, but those are just bonuses. The most important thing to me is religion, and though it may seem a simple request, it is actually so hard to find someone like that. Anyone that seem to care about Islam, usually is looking for a hijabi girl. It's true that I do not wear a hijab (maybe someday, inshallah) but it does not mean that I do not share the same values as those who do. I may not know as much as those who do, but I do like learning more about my religion, and hope to become a better person as time goes by. Most guys always seem surprised when I mention that Islam is important to me. I guess growing up in Canada, not wearing hijab usually gives that vibe; I'm not really sure why though!

I have also noticed, that guys usually don't approach me with the intention of starting a relationship with me. I'm not saying I'm ugly, or am fishing for compliments. I'm just saying that's what I've noticed. Based on that, the assumption I have drawn is that the only way I'll meet someone is if I talk to, or hang out with someone on a regular basis. Which isn't too bad, but this still poses a problem of actually trying to find someone. I guess I'm old fashioned in thinking that if a guy is interested, he should do the work in talking to the girl and getting to meet up with her. I mean, if he doesn't show any interest, how in the world will she know to reciprocate. I've been in situations where I thought a guy was interested, only to realize he was just being friendly. It's not the end of the world or anything, these things happen, but I would still like to avoid something like this happening in the future.

Anyway, I may as well end this rant before it really gets out of hand. It's just something that I had on my mind and had to get out.

SA

(500) Days of Summer

I recently watched (500) Days of Summer with one of my friends, and I was greatly impressed! I had wanted to watch it since I was shown the first trailer a few months ago by one of my good friends. Though with many movies I get excited to watch, when I actually DO watch them, I tend to get disappointed as I had made high expectations for the movie. Thus I was greatly relieved when the move turned out to be exceptional! Now, I don't want to give away the movie, so I'll give you the basics: the movie starts Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tom Hansen and Zooey Deschanel as Summer Finn. The plot revolves around Tom and Zooey and their whirlwind office romance, and the many stages it goes through (the good, the bad and the ugly). Like I said, I don't want to give away too much, but the main thing I liked about this film, was that it was not your classic boy meets girl movie. There were times when I'd turn to my friend, or she'd turn to me and say, "Oh, I know what's going to happen next!" only to be completely surprised! Definitely a movie I would go watch again, as well as buy on DVD (to add to my growing collection). I also found the soundtrack to be quite good as well! I have posted my favourite scene from the movie, and though there are no spoilers, I would suggest for those of you who really want to see the movie, to watch it after you've seen it. Only because it was such an awesome scene, and it was even more awesome because it was so unexpected (although I believe I've seen a part of it in some of the trailers/previews).



Anyway, that's really all I wanted to say, oh and I have started a photoblog for all the pictures I have taken/will take. If you're curious, it can be found here: The World Through Queen Sheba's Eyes

It's not much, but I'm hoping people will provide criticisms, suggestions or what not, which will in turn help me to become a better photographer. Well, that's really all I had to say!



SA

Procrastinating

I received an email from a good friend the other day, and she was telling me about her accomplishments thus far. Like any good friend, I was extremely proud of her and wished she was telling me the good news in person, so I could give her one big hug! However, I couldn't, so I had to settle for trying to express my pride via email. Once I finished typing said email, I realized that of all of my friends, I felt like the only one who hadn't accomplished any of the career goals (or even come close to) I had set out when I started university. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I am disappointed with how my life has been thus far, I'm just saying that I seem to be stuck pretty much in the same place since I graduated. Whenever I tell this to anyone, they give me the usual, "Oh don't worry, you're destined for great things! It'll take some time, but it'll happen" speech. Now I've been guilty of giving this speech to many a down and out pal, but now that I think about it, whenever I get this speech I usually feel like shouting, "WHEN IS THAT TIME GOING TO COME??????" I know that probably makes me sound so ungrateful, but really, I wonder how I can be stuck in one place for so long, while others are rushing past me. Though it's true that other people might be looking at me and saying, "Wow, look at how much she's done, and I've done nothing" (because let's be honest...the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side) but still!

The worse part is, while most friends are telling you not to worry, your parents are on the other end going, "Oh look at so and so. Look how much THEY'VE done!" When you tell them that this isn't helping, they just say it's because they "love you" that they tell you these things. True, my parents do love me, but can't they find more positive and encouraging ways of doing it? I guess not, I think it's just a parent thing to do.

Oh, and then when you see someone after so long and they ask you, "So what are you up to these days?" I always seem like such a loser responding with, "I'm working, still trying to figure my life out" while they dazzle me with all sorts of adventures they've had in the last year alone. Yes I've traveled and have done little things here and there, but nothing ever seems to compare with what everyone else is doing!

Anyway, while we're on the topic of doing nothing with my life, I thought I'd share the videos I have been watching as of late and find particularly hilarious:



CommunityChannel (click on link to go to her Youtube page), to me, is funny. I particularly enjoy the sarcastic comments to everything! The fact that she's got an Australian accent AND reminds me of my best friend, is just a bonus! I don't know if anyone actually reads anything I post here, but if you do, hopefully you'll find her as amusing as I do. That's all for now!

Hugs!

P.S. Coming soon...my thoughts from my Europe trip (2-3 months ago)! I know, exciting, isn't it?

Skeletons in the Closet

It was raining. Just like it had been for the past few days, every day. It was never expected though. Well, the weather man would say that there would be rain in the forecast, but he'd been so off lately, that no one paid any attention to him any longer. Who could blame him though? With global warming, nowadays, nothing made sense in the world (at least weather-wise). I sighed. It was going to be one of those days again. I jumped off the window seat (I was sick of looking at the rain rolling down the window). I figured, if it was going to be a gloomy day, might as well do something that I had been meaning to put off on brighter days. As I stood, I gazed around the room. Well, there was a lot of work to be done there! My room had looked like it had been in the path of a hurricane! My mother always complained of the mess, but I never really got into the mood of finishing it. I would always start, with dreams of a clean, and organized room, but then would get distracted and stop. I sighed again. I guess this was as good a chance as any to tackle the mountainous task before me. Where to start? I eyed my room. The drawers seemed like a good place to begin, but I knew that there was nothing inside; at least nothing exciting! I looked at my closet. I knew there were tons of secrets that lay behind those doors. Old pictures, cards, notes that had been passed in class, and long since been forgotten. Things that had seemed of such great importance, that now, were just silly. I smiled. That would be a perfect place to start! I rolled up my sleeves, and walked towards the doors. This was going to be a trip down memory lane. I don't know if I was at all prepared by what secrets had been buried behind those doors, but whatever lay hidden there, was going to make this gloomy day a lot more interesting!

To be continued...